Sit the F’ Down and Shut the Hell up: 8 Ways Not to Be a Basic Bitch at a Drag Show1 min read

RULE 1: This Is Not Your Show!

Now I say this with the utmost urgency. This is not your show. This is not your time to shine. Drunk little white girl trying to get on stage to sing next to the performer, SIT DOWN AND CLAP! The performer will not appreciate if you try to upstage her during her number and will most likely either have your drunk ass removed, or just publicly humiliate you. (I usually prefer the latter.)
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RULE 2: Don't Be Easily Offended

If you’re some uptight little gay man in your Ralph Lauren polo shirt sipping your martini at a drag show and think you’re not going to hear some of the most fowl things on earth be spewed from the largely exaggerated lips of the queen on stage – you’re wrong. Prepare yourself for an evening of hateful, and yet delightful, fun featuring a conjunction of song, dance, and comedy.
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Rule 3: Tip a Bitch

You clearly have some sort of drink in your hand, probably whatever is cheapest and will get you the most lit – WHICH MEANS – you have some left over money from undertipping the bartender to give to the drag queen on stage. Looking that cheap ain’t easy so give the man in a wig performing their heart out a god-damn-dollar. If you can afford to get wasted on a school night you can afford to give your entertainment a tip. PS. Tip the fucking bartenders too, they’re the ones helping you get laid.
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Rule 4: Clap and Cheer

Listen: you may have HATED the queen who just performed, but guess what – it’s a performance and much like at your clarinet recital when you were awful, people clapped for you too. These girls are TRYING. DRAG AINT EASY! So make them feel like they’re doing alright.
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Rule 5: Never Touch a Queen

I can’t believe I even have to say this. Some of you asses get a little too sauced and think it’s appropriate to touch the drag queen standing in front of you. NEWSFLASH: DO NOT TOUCH THE FUCKING DRAG QUEEN THAT IS STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU. This is like needed to be CAUTION HOT on the top of coffee cups. *Insert Vivacious fan clack*
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Rule 6: Contests

Occasionally a drag queen will hold a contest to get the crowd more involved. This usually consists of a hot body contest, a drinking game, or a dance off, etc. All of which require the queen at hand to choose members of the audience to participate. REMEMBER: If you look like an easy target – you’re going to be an easy target. If you stand in the front row and are a drunk mess – yup, you’re up. If you a white girl to the side who’s obnoxious – yup, you’re up too. If you’re some hot muscle head wearing a form fitting shirt and trying to blend in with the twinks – oh yea hunny, you’re definitely up. Drag queens love nothing more than molesting hot men, and making twinks do dumb things in public. So don’t be alarmed or upset when it’s your turn. Finish your drink and hope your friends will cheer for you.
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Rule 7: When The Drag Queen is Speaking You Shouldn't Be

Have you ever tried to address an entire room and were met with defeat because some dumb ass wouldn’t SHUT THE FUCK UP? Now try it when you’re a man in a wig, dealing with drunk adolescent college children. Sounds nearly impossible right? So kindly SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN THE DRAG QUEEN IS SPEAKING BECAUSE IT’S JUST RUDE!
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Rule 8: Just Have Fun

I know this list may seem a little excessive, but you’ve seemed to read through all of it and are now well versed in how to properly attend a drag show. Now go forth my child and enjoy the clown on stage giving you shade and highly arched eyebrows!
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